I look back to exactly one year ago Every second, so clear in my mind. You were so brave Mum, I hope you realized how brave. You fought your illness, with the strength of ten men. You did this for me, for Sean, for your grandchildren. When you knew your illness was impossible to fight, You accepted with courage. That courage you somehow managed to find, I will always be in awe of Mum. My brave, lovely Mum. You weren’t scared of dying You knew dad was waiting for you. You were scared of what you were leaving behind. I held your hands, still so strong. I whispered quietly to you that it was ok to go. You took your last breath, and you quietly slipped away. It took me a long time to grieve Mum, for both you and Dad. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to cope. So I locked it away. I pictured a box in my mind, and I locked my pain away. I do not remember the 9 months after your death. I don’t want to remember that time. All I know is how lonely and desperate I felt. For three months now, and for just a little time each day, I have unlocked the box in my mind and allowed myself to feel my grief. And now I find myself shocked that a year has passed. I realize that I have accepted my loss, but that the pain will always last. Little by little, day by day I am learning to live again Mum, albeit in a very different way. The future I no longer fear. I feel you both around me now. If I close my eyes I can almost feel you both holding my hands. You walk beside me, slowly at a pace with which I can cope. You are guiding me, helping me every step of the way. You did this for me in life, and now you do this for me in death. You did this wanting nothing in return. For that I feel lucky, privileged, fortunate and truly honoured. I love you X